EDMONTON – Fresh on the heels of FaceApp’s popular old-age filter, social media users have discovered a shiny new plaything: ChonkyBrah, an app that shows with uncanny accuracy what it will look like when the app shares all of your information with authoritarians.
“It’s so much fun,” said Twitter user Megan Brown. “I love seeing all my personal data plugged into these outrageous situations, like the one where it’s being pored over by secret police looking for any hint of contact with enemies of the state.”
“See,” she said, holding up her phone, “this is what my data looks like on a warrant issued right before a mass arrest!”
While privacy experts warn that the real cost of “free” photo apps from often dubious developers is the enormous amounts of information the apps gather and sell to shadowy corporations and potentially oppressive governments around the world, most users agree that’s a small price to pay for seeing what they look like with a handlebar moustache.
“I mean, sure, I could probably figure out how to Photoshop an image of my data being brought as evidence against me in a sham trial, but it’s so much easier to just download an app that does it for me,” Instagrammer Jason Greene said. “It doesn’t even cost money, all it asks for is access to my phone’s memory and microphone.”
“Wow, it’s made a little diagram of how my contacts could be used to convict me through guilt by association! Hilarious!”
Though the developer of ChonkyBrah is only traceable to a holding company headquartered in a country that doesn’t technically exist, its success has already led to them releasing another potential blockbuster, an app which combs through a user’s medical files to determine exactly what their organs would be worth on the black market.
