WASHINGTON, D.C. – David Frum was arrested by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents today during a tense exchange following a sweep of undocumented immigrants in the Atlantic offices.
“I’m not undocumented, I’m a naturalized U.S. citizen, I just left my documents at home,” Frum said, struggling against his cuffs. “You don’t understand, I’m not even the kind of immigrant you’re looking for! I’m a white guy! From CANADA!”
The agent taking Frum into custody was not moved by his arguments. “We arrest all kinds of undocumented immigrants. In fact, I just read this long article in the Atlantic about how America has to start making tough choices when it comes to immigration. Today, it’s one white guy who came here from Canada to steal a job that could’ve gone to a natural born American, like war criminal. Tomorrow, it’s millions.”
“Why are you acting like this is some kind of intellectual exercise?” Frum said as his legs were being shackled. “My life is not an abstract concept to be dispassionately debated! Other people’s lives, yes, of course, but not mine!”
“Look, if good, democracy loving people like myself don’t crack down on immigrants like you, fear mongering fascists will do it. Imagine how much more terrifying this would be if, instead of being placed in a windowless van and taken to a detention camp, you were thrown into a windowless van and taken to a concentration camp,” the agent said, making sure Frum didn’t bump his head on the roof of the windowless van.
Frum was last seen attempting to convince the ICE agents that he has valuable and unique skills America needs, but was unable to demonstrate any of them.
