Coolsville – Jeremiah McGillicutty, known locally as Old Man McGillicutty, has been found not guilty of fraud, public nuisance and conspiracy after a judge ruled that testimony from a talking dog did not meet the rules of evidence.
While the judge considered the evidence, a key witness, one Scooby Doo of Crystal Cove, was found unreliable due to being a dog and taking 8 hours to say ‘ghost’.
“I’m glad that people have finally stopped listening to those Mystery Incorporated thugs.” stated local decrepit mansion owner Kaitlin Pings “The one with the ascot almost yanked off my ears trying to remove my ‘mask’. I don’t have have a mask, my face is just really ugly.”
The only corroborating witnesses to Scooby’s evidence was Norville “Shaggy” Rogers who was too high to testify and a smaller, more high pitched talking dog named Scrappy. After deliberating the judge ultimately ruled that the evidence was inadmissible and also that Scrappy Doo sucks.
The prosecution argued that McGillicutty screaming “I would have got away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling kids” amounted to an admission of guilt, but it was found that McGillicutty had been under duress because he had been caught in an elaborate trap that involved 17 ft of chain, Scooby Doo on skateboard and a 16th century suit of armour.
“This has been a victory not just for my client but for all believe in due process.” stated McGillicutty’s lawyer Jackson Briggs. “For too long innocent citizens have had their reputation ruined by libel and slander from nosy teens and talking animals.”
However McGillicutty’s good did not last very long as was shot while leaving the courthouse, when Daphne from Mystery Inc went rogue and decided to take justice into her own hands.
