BARRIE, ON — Since the legalization of marijuana, Canadians who originally demonized the drug are trying marijuana for the first time. Thus causing first time user, Cathy Lowe, to share her experiences with her family this Christmas; regardless of how “blood curdling uncomfortable” it may be.
“Did you know you can eat it too?” exclaimed an extremely high Aunt Cathy. “Every Christmas, everyone’s so tense, and I love giving gifts that are outside the box, so I thought why not give the ‘experience gift’ of getting majorly baked?”
“I used to do it to relax after school”, confirmed Tim Werner Cathy’s 17-year-old nephew. “Well, to be honest, I also used to do it to seem cool but after witnessing Aunt Cathy supering a joint with my mom, I think I’m forever done with it.”
Statistics Canada reported 33% of “cool aunts” this season will be giving the gift of forcing your family members to get high, and has released a warning of several activities family members should expect to be forced into doing. Activities such as; listening the “Hamilton” soundtrack, giggling every time the word baked is uttered and attempting to lace the cranberry sauce with CBD oil.
While many family members are used to Aunt Cathy’s antics, several feel everyone getting high together may lead to disastrous results. “This is just like the Christmas when Aunt Cathy gave all of her nieces and nephews the gift of ‘the talk’.” Described niece Joanne Werner, 21 years old. “She kept telling us to use lambskin condoms, um, those do not work!”
While marijuana has been proven to lower stress, the Lowe family fears Aunt Cathy being super toasted will cause her to want to be in the kitchen the entire time, greatly irritating matriarch Nana Sue and causing a tension filled evening.
At press time Aunt Cathy vows to stop “messing about in the kitchen” and is eagerly awaiting a new bong she just purchased that is in the shape of a purse.
