MONTREAL — In a study done by Concordia University, it has officially been proven that 9 out of 10 boyfriends’ shirts come from somewhere that no boyfriend can remember.
Following years of research, both girlfriends and research scientists report not being surprised by the outcome. Local girlfriend Laurie, 25, elaborates, “I always suspected that my boyfriend just bought his shirts at stores, like most human beings do, but now that it has been officially confirmed that he ‘found’ the clothes ‘somewhere’, the vagueness answers so many questions. Questions like, ‘where did you get a shirt that has a picture of a drunk baby on it?”
The study was conducted in an attempt to scientifically establish why an adult male would purchase a shirt with the words like “Beer-O’Clock”, in a practical sense. Research indicates that no one has ever actually bought a shirt with the words “Beer O’Clock”; said variety of shirt just appears in a man’s closet the minute he makes a loose commitment with another person.
Boyfriend subject, James White, explains the phenomenon of just finding clothing in his closet. “Growing up I know my mom bought me my shirts, but once I left the house, there’s no way she was secretly still buying me clothes. Plus my mom would never buy me a shirt that said, ‘My favourite colour is no pants’, or, ‘Hedgehogs, why don’t they just share the hedge?’, or ‘If I die delete my browser history’.”
White concluded, “So I now believe in a higher power, because that must be who is keeping my body clothed.”
Researchers at Concordia failed to gather conclusive data on where the shirts come from. However, many speculate they could come from several environments, such as: shirts left on the subway; being at a waterpark and taking someone else’s shirt home; winning a shirt in an eating contest; bachelor parties; intramural sports teams they have never actually played on; and ex-girlfriends.
At press time, Girlfriend Laurie and Boyfriend James were celebrating the research breakthrough over a candlelit dinner. Jenny was wearing a blue dress from H&M purchased on December 13th 2017 at 2:48pm, while James wearing a shirt with a naked woman on it with the word “Rendering” covering the woman’s breast area.
