Victoria, BC – After five years of fruitlessly investigating minor drug crimes at a local high school, sources have confirmed that undercover RCMP officer Frank ‘Frankie’ DeRosa now has enough credits to graduate at the end of the term.
“Throughout his time here, Frankie has done well in physical education but struggled in other subjects, such as ethics.” said homeroom teacher Ms. Markhall in the comment section of DeRosa’s report card. “However he’s shown remarkable improvement and definitely earned that 2.5 GPA.”
The comments go on to suggest that, due to his tendency to beat up other students for no reason, DeRosa should pursue a skilled trade to give him an outlet and keep him out of trouble with the law.
“I’ve never been prouder of one of my officers.” said DeRosa’s commanding officer Michael Woods, with tears in his eyes. “You know he’s the first one of my guys to graduate? Undercover or otherwise.”
When asked about what he enjoyed about his time in high school, DeRosa says his favourite subject was Canadian law. “I learned some interesting stuff. Like, did you have to have a warrant even if the person is a minority?”
At press time, DeRosa was ironing his uniform to wear to the graduation ceremony, where he will also be speaking as a valedictorian. Coincidentally, drug use at the school remains at an all time high.
