FORT MCMURRAY, AB – Confirming longtime suspicions, evidenced reports are coming in which confirm that, yes, everyone remembers that awkward thing you did last year and they talk about it constantly, with the phenomenon being especially prevalent amongst potential romantic partners and future employers.
Despite friendly reassurance from many well-wishers who claim that, “no one remembers that,” and, “it’s not a big deal,” collected research has found that absolutely everyone remembers that, and it is indeed a massively big deal which they are lying to your face about all of the time. Not only do the masses remember the awkward blunder with near photographic memory, but it is often a subject of conversation, most notably just before, and just after you have entered or left a room.
“Honestly, it’s all I’ve been able to think about since,” stated Maria Dicorzio, a 29-year-old passerby who just so happened to be there to witness your moment of historic awkwardness all those months ago. “It’s become my white whale, it’s all I think about and I just want the world to know about it. I tell everyone I meet every detail.”
Many reports agree that the whole situation has become something of folklore amongst the population, with those who were there to witness it spreading the story along to all those willing to listen, which is everyone. Everything from distant laughter to covert smiles can be traced back to the re-telling of your historically embarrassing event. Word of the situation has spread at a rate typically only seen amongst viruses and doctors claim that the only treatment option for you may be an experimental therapy of constant worrying and countless nights of lost sleep.
“I don’t even know this person, but they’ve become a legend around my entire office,” says Ali Tussak, who claims to often wake up in the middle of the night laughing about the whole situation. “Everyone I know thinks it’s the funniest thing ever, I even heard they’re considering turning the whole story into an Adam Sandler movie.”
While many expect that everyone will indeed eventually forget about the awkward moment in question, current data trends are instead showing a steady upward movement as word of the ordeal spreads rapidly. A whole new generation of people are learning of the situation through retellings and reenactments as the mythology of unending awkwardness grows.
