EARTH — After breaking records with sweltering mid-summer temperatures, the Climate for the planet Earth is reportedly at a loss as to how much it needs to change before eliciting any response from humankind.
“I just don’t know how to get through to them anymore,” explained Earth’s Climate. “I’ve tried everything – heatwaves, hurricanes, mudslides. I even tried out some sexy new wildfires, but once again, [humanity] would rather look at their phones and watch Netflix,” admitted the exasperated planetary climate system.
“I just feel invisible,” said the climate wistfully.
In a month where numerous locations across the world have recorded their hottest ever temperatures, observers note that Earth’s 7.442 billion humans have seemingly grown disinterested in their climate. In spite of the massive shifts in temperature, governments around the world continue to invest the bare minimum time and resources on their relationship with their Climate.
Friends of the climate agree that humankind has begun to take their relationship for granted. “Humans just want a climate that won’t challenge them,” explained the Earth’s gravitational field. “I prefer to act independently of people in general, but I can tell you that if I put as much effort into changing as Climate did, and didn’t even get some acknowledgement, we’d be talking game over.”
“When humankind first arrived on the scene, they paid attention to every little thing I did,” explained the climate for the entire planet. “If I sent just one storm, whole fleets of ships would change course. It was actually pretty romantic. But now, it’s like they don’t even care.”
Climate went on to say it is even considering some new environmental disasters to “spice things up.” Most of these are things they “saw in a movie once” like a tsunami of ice attacking New York City or a Sharknado. However they doubt even this dramatic step will have much impact.
Asked whether it saw longterm hope for its relationship with humankind, the Earth’s Climate conceded it was skeptical. “I’m not quite ready to wipe the slate clean, but I do find myself fantasizing about other carbon based life forms.”
“Me and humans will always have (the) Paris (Climate Agreement) though.”
