OTTAWA – Recalling only a few seconds of that Canadian Heritage Moment, every patron of a local diner was immediately certain they were about to have a seizure after the kitchen burnt two pieces of toast.
“As soon as I smelt it, I started to panic,” said Marsha Goldberg. “I’ve never had a seizure before but if the videos my hungover history teacher showed me every Friday taught me anything, it’s that smelling burnt toast equals your brain is all fucked up.”
“Also the Atlantic Ocean used to be so full of Cod they literally had no room to swim,” she added.
While the Heritage Moment commemorates Wilfred Penfield performing brain surgery on one of his patients who smelled burnt toast before having a seizure as a way of showing his medical innovation, the takeaway for most Canadians has been that this certain smell is a sure sign of imminent doom, no matter how close one is to toast at the time.
“I actually ordered my toast burnt and I still was certain I was having a seizure,” said Jeff O’Brien.
At press time, 95% of Canadians believe house hippos are for real.
