Editorial by Kathleen Wynne
The votes have been counted, and you don’t want me in office anymore. I get it. And you know what? Good. You want Doug Ford in office? Well, good luck with that, assholes!
I’m sick and tired of dealing with your bad fucking attitude. All your whining and your judgement and your opinions about my haircut. You have no idea how much work I did for you. I gave you a $15 minimum wage. I gave you job growth. I gave you a competent sexual education curriculum in the hopes that the next generation will be able to competently operate their genitals. You’d think that would be enough for you Ontario, but nooooo.
It was never enough for you. I just tried to make things better, but I see now that that was my mistake. You don’t want things to be better. You want the moral high ground. You would rather live in a garbage fire of a province over your one dollar beers. I fucking get it. I hope you’re fucking happy now. Admit it. You don’t actually want Doug Ford. You just want to teach me a lesson for trying too hard, and for making changes, and for being a woman. No matter what Doug Ford does wrong, he’ll still manage to convince you it was my fault, and they’re just cleaning up my mess. And you’ll believe him. Why? Because you’re the mess, Ontario. You’re the fucking mess.
But you know what? Who cares? Not me. From now on, Kathleen Wynne is the premier of nobody but Kathleen Wynne.
I’m free. I can finally, stop wearing these goddamn pantsuits. I’m going to dust off my leather jacket. I can finally be a raging queer without worrying what Ted the conservative in Sudbury thinks. Screw you, Ted. It was never about hydro prices, was it? You just hate the idea that I have sex with women. Well I do, Ted. Lots of it. And I’m goddamn good at it too.
Good Luck, Doug Ford. You won. You may think it will be different for you. I’m sure it will be, for a little while. Enjoy it while you can. Eventually they’ll forget about hating me, and then you’ll be eaten alive. They will bully you to within an inch of your sanity, and you’ll still have to get up and do a press conference with a smile on your face. Enjoy it, sucker. I’m done smiling.
If you need me, I’m going to go sit in my backyard, crack open a good bottle of shiraz and scream along to “Jagged Little Pill”.
For those that voted for me: thank you for your support. For those that didn’t, good fucking luck.
