DIEPPE, NB – Furiously attempting to escape the living room of a local family’s residence, stupid wasp was reported colliding into the glass multiple times, just inches away from a completely open window.
“It’s been a long struggle,” sighed Dan Roosevelt, 37, who was staring at the dumb-shit insect for fifteen minutes just weaving and bobbing towards the window but never actually making it out. “At one point I used a piece of paper in an attempt to push it through the window, which is wide open, by the way. But then it started to come near me and I got too scared, screamed, and ran into the kitchen.”
The moronic wasp, which had appeared in the living room mysteriously a day earlier, had taken to spending it’s time continuously circling the window, bonking it’s body on the sil, and landing for just a moment only pop up again as if to taunt the Roosevelt family with its ineptitude.
“It’s really starting to piss me off,” said Dan’s partner, Joanne Roosevelt. “It’s like, buddy I opened that window hours ago. You managed to get in the house, why can’t you get out? At one point it was hovering over the opening of the window, did a loop and then just went back inside. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!”
“To be honest I wish we were able to help those dull fucking creatures vacate all open windows,” said entomologist, Dr. Derek Ziebergs. “But that research never gets funding because even though wasps look just like bees, they don’t provide humans with that sweet, sweet honey and people don’t care.”
“So for now, I guess we have to let those imbeciles fend for themselves,” he added.
At press time, the wasp had yet to exit the window but according to Joanne, “[It] better get out of the house soon, or I’m going to get the vacuum.”
