Peterborough, ON — Organizers for the Haunted Crater music festival have announced their headline acts for 2018, and a crack team of paranormal investigators to uncover what happened to last year’s lineup.
“We’re thrilled to say this festival will have more style, more swagger, and more survivors than any festival the Haunted Crater has ever seen,” said event promoter Isaac Bickerstaffe, speaking to reporters live via ouija board.
“The biggest names in Canada’s Folk, Dream Pop, and parapsychology scenes are coming together for a legendary summer party, and hopefully answers to what the lead singer of FRBDDN KNWLDG meant when he said ‘Don’t wake the angels’ before his band abruptly walked offstage and vanished into the woods.”
Organizers expect the 13th annual festival to draw record crowds to the eerie, lifeless hollow northeast of Peterborough. Patrons can expect 50+ performances on the main stages, plus local acts like the pale woman who mutters cryptically about the Things She Saw Undergound.
“We’re excited to bring our friends the unique melding of music, modern technology and otherworldly terror that Haunted Crater is famous for,” Bickerstaffe continued. “The venue is an open-air playground of music, light shows, and art installations, encircled by a ring of polished skulls. And I cannot stress this enough: do not leave the ring of skulls.”
The festival will take place over the weekend of August 23-26. Headline performances will include Ukulele Temple, The Kinks In Yellow and At the Manbuns of Madness. Bickerstaffe hinted that FRBDDN KNWLDG may also return for a surprise show, but warned you should run for your life should they actually appear.
At press time, the festival website was advertising weekend passes for $379 and a lock of hair from someone pure of heart.
