GRIMSBY, ON – After weeks of extensive investigation the RCMP announced today that they have absolutely no clue how, or why a body was buried six feet under ground, beneath a large stone cross, inside a carved mahogany container.
“Whoever did this is one sick puppy”, remarked Constable Jeremy Roberts of the Major Crimes Unit. “They obviously had the time and resources to violate the body, draining it of its fluids and injecting formaldehyde into the victim’s veins”.
The police believe that whoever committed this crime is trying to communicate but in code, similar to the Zodiac killer. “The stone cross had carved writing, which spell out two nonsense words, ‘Harold Kent’ followed by a series of confusing numbers, ‘1932-2017’. Our forensic team is working tirelessly to decipher what all this could mean.”
Since the first body was found, several others have also been discovered nearby, disposed of in a similar manner. Some were even burnt and placed inside small metal containers. The police are working with federal agencies to decide if these crimes involve a serial killer, copycat killer, or even some kind of death cult.
“Our police force is willing to spend as much time and money to uncover the truth and give closure to these people’s poor families.”
The police have not yet laid charges but have arrested several suspects who have been caught placing bouquets of flowers at the crime scene.
“At this point we are just trying to uncover and identify all the bodies”, said Constable Roberts. “Then these individuals can finally have the proper burial they deserve.”
