ST. CATHARINES – After years of clinical trials a group of researchers at Brock University have conclusively proven that rats do not enjoy being given cancer.
“For as long as humanity has known about cancer we have wondered whether rats like having cancer” said lead researcher Dr Sarah McDowd. “But for too long arguments have been based on hearsay and anecdotal evidence. That’s why it is so important to have rigorous peer reviewed, large sample size studies such as this one.”
The study was conducted by analyzing the data of millions of experiments over several decades where rats have been given, or deliberately bred to have, cancer. The study found that the non-cancer control group had significantly better temperaments than the cancer ridden group, and also they didn’t die nearly as much.
Due to the large scope of the study it is estimated that final costs will be around one billion dollars.
“This completely changes the way I think about the study of medicine.” said University of Toronto professor Lyndia Wu. “We’ll have to find an animal that loves cancer. Maybe turkeys?”
Lab Rat Breeder Association of Ontario have issued a statement disagreeing with the study “There is not yet a consensus within the scientific community on whether rats do or don’t like cancer. We believe that more study needs to be done before people stop buying rats bred for cancer experiments.”
An unrelated study recently concluded that rats love being poisoned by makeup.
