VANCOUVER, BC- After almost two straight hours, aesthetician Pia Montibaldi, the woman currently giving you a pedicure, has officially admitted, “Yes, your feet are the grossest feet I have ever seen.”
The decision was made after the pedicurist had attempted to side step this conversation from the moment you removed your socks and immediately blurted out, “Sorry, sorry, sorry.” Montibaldi attempted to normalize the situation by smiling and diverting her eyes, but she immediately clocked the feet were weirdly too wide and too small at the same time.
“I try not to make any comments about people’s foot appearance but yours were truly awful,” said Ms. Montibaldi, 37, who has seen thousands of feet over her career. “I could tell you had attempted to give yourself home pedicures in the past by hacking at your calluses with a pumice stone. But unfortunately your calluses are way too disgusting and different than every other foot, so there is really nothing to be done.”
“Plus your toenails are too small for the size of your toes. Ew. Why?” she added.
Earlier, as your feet were soaking in the tub and you were awkwardly being hit in the back of the head with the massage chair, you suspected the pedicurist was talking behind your back to the other staff, and sources close to the situation confirm that in fact she was, noting she didn’t like the look of your “punchable” face, and was not surprised that your feet had tiny hairs on the toe knuckles, which even though most people have those, for some reason yours are longer and darker, offending the aesthetician’s very being.
At press time Montibaldi thinks you are also the type of person that always has white stuff at the corners of your mouth, no matter how well hydrated you are.
