PETERBOROUGH, ON – Arriving at her date’s home on a dinner invitation, Cynthia Masterson, 22, has reportedly decided to ignore the first glaring red flag of being offered a glass of water out of a large salsa jar with the label ripped off.
“It’s just something to drink out of,” said the love-blind woman of the glass handed to her by her recent flame, Jared Havelock, 27. “I don’t think it’s really noteworthy. Is it? I mean, I don’t want to judge anyone based on their physical possessions. That would be incredibly shallow and I don’t want to be THAT girl.”
Brianne Nuñez, 43, the country’s leading dating expert, has heard this story too many times before. “Person A meets Person B, Person A accepts dinner invitation, Person B serves water in a salsa jar. Tale as old as time.”
Nuñez explains how so many people have chosen to overlook the salsa jar instead going home that instant, like a normal person.
“Sure, everyone wants to be good to the environment. However, women must listen to that voice inside your head that says, ‘Wait a sec… yep, this is a rinsed out salsa jar. This guy doesn’t have his shit together. Get out!”
Experts stress that none of these reasons are either good or bad, simply very different stems leading up to the reuse of said salsa jar. Some of which you might find desirable and some of which might point to a stereotypical hapless adult-baby with zero life skills or housekeeping standards.
Despite this, Masterson, continued her date, only to be confronted with milk crates instead of chairs, scattered salt and pepper packets from years of food delivery, and 14 old toothbrushes in the the toothbrush glass despite there only being 2 people residing in that apartment.
Several witnesses who have dated this man – and incidentally had the presence of mind to leave immediately – also reported the residence containing towels for curtains, stacks of diner napkins for toilet paper, a hamster cage with no hamster in it, and at least three Scarface posters on the wall.
At press time, Masterson was overlooking the next glaring red flag of the bare mattress on the floor her date uses as a bed.
