LOS ANGELES – In a recent USA Today article, actor Ben Affleck announced that he is figuring out a “cool way” to get out of being Ben Affleck as soon as possible.
Affleck said that role of “being born as Ben Affleck” has reached a point where he is “no longer allowed to pull the wicked cool shit he used to”, like, “giving female journalists lingering hugs and wet cheek kisses”, and, “getting blackout drunk at a casino”.
However, Affleck does claim that he is more interested in completely changing who he is and never looking back on the past. “Well some of the past.” He continued “Remember ‘The Town?’”
Sources have speculated that Affleck wants to dramatically fake his own death and come back as the long lost brother of Ben Affleck. But it’s pretty obvious that being a brother of Ben Affleck is equally bad.
This is just the latest in the saga of whether or not Ben Affleck actually likes being Ben Affleck. Some are speculating that Affleck loves the “Weinstein-apologist, creepo-bloated, bad-at-acting” persona he is known and loved for, a charge Affleck vehemently denies.
Affleck does say that leaving the role of “Ben Affleck” is something he is “contemplating” rather than a “sure thing”. He added, “Playing a guy stuck in the culture of the late 90’s isn’t something you can do forever. I mean I guess I thought it was something I could do forever because it was really easy for me and I don’t want to change so don’t make me. But I’ve come to learn that it is not something you can do forever.”
At press time Ben Affleck has yet to change his persona but has been wearing his hair in a different style.
