OTTAWA – Trailing in the polls, NDP leadership candidate Niki Ashton is really hoping someone will aggressively heckle her next speech so she can get some Internet love as well.
“Obviously I don’t expect the same results as Jagmeet got,” said Ashton. “I mean, videos on Now This and Lad Bible?! That’s a level of going viral I can only dream of.”
“But maybe when someone remembers I’m a divorced woman running for political office while pregnant out of wedlock they might decide to get in my face and create a little Buzzfeed worthy moment?”
Ashton has reportedly tried to create circumstances to help the chances of this happening by constantly flaunting her belly and lack of wedding ring, as well as telling her security to let through any woman who looks like she had three tequilas and decided to start some shit.
“Niki would make an amazing NDP leader. But frankly our only chance at this point is for something to happen on the campaign trail that can prompt 3-5 Jezebel think pieces,” said campaign manager Paul LeFort.
At press time Charlie Angus was sharpening his favourite blade in case any motherfuckers dared step to him.
