WASHINGTON D.C. — President Donald Trump has announced that America will be withdrawing from the Paris Accord on Climate Change, a move which his administration says will force the climate to agree to U.S. terms.
The move comes after decades of gradual increase in global temperatures, which have left powerful countries across the globe scrambling to modify their environmental legislation in an attempt to respond to the effects of climate change.
However, President Trump, for whom many Americans voted on the strength of his promise to win better deals for America in trade and security agreements, told reporters that that “it’s time for the freeloading climate to get serious and stop depending on American generosity to do its job for it.”
During his announcement in the White House Rose Garden, the President went on to bolster the effectiveness of his strategy by stating that “the climate inside my beautiful Mar-A-Lago resort is never ever higher than 70°F, thanks to my leadership incredible deal-making skills.”
Press secretary Sean Spicer further stated in a press conference that “The President has shown American strength by making an ultimatum to the earth, atmosphere and oceans: come back with better terms or pack up and go home.”
Republicans have praised the Administration’s bold stance. Senator Bob Corker called the move “decisive, strong—just everything we could have wanted,” adding “The earth knows it’s playing with the big boys now. I can’t wait to see the look on that smug foreign climate’s face.”
At press time, President Trump had issued a casual threat via twitter that if the climate refused to respond, he would have no choice but to seriously consider nuking it.
