YOUR HOUSE – Early reports indicate that there is not a single, goddamned pen that works in this house.
The revelation became apparent immediately after you needed to write something down that was really fucking important to remember so you did not forget it moments after hearing the details.
After frantically searching for a functioning writing utensil capable of making a visible mark on anything, you have discovered that none of the 37 pens in this fucking novelty mug have any fucking use to you.
Your efforts at scribbling really hard on every worthless pieces-of-shit ink stick and sucking at the tip to get the ink going proved to be fruitless.
Despite going from room-to-room and digging deep in every drawer, not one mother-fucking pen will do its goddamned job on the small sticky note.
You may have been temporarily relieved when ink started to run in an old Radisson Hotel pen on your trip to some Canadian city, but you are crushed when the ink dries after the fourth letter.
Even your trusty black ballpoint pen, your once beloved instrument for writing all things on paper, has proven to be a complete son-of-a-bitch by failing you now.
According to sources, you broke off the last of the lead in your mechanical pencil you haven’t used since grade 7.
