OTTAWA – Mere moments after a mischievous smile spread across his face at the sight of a young couple taking wedding photos, a shirtless Andrew Scheer is rolling on the ground, grovelling and squealing in anguish.
“He-eeey guys!” said Scheer, peeling off his short-sleeved blue button-down shirt and throwing clammy arms around the shoulders of the happy couple. “It’s me, Andrew Sche-eeaAAUUGH!”
Scheer could not be reached for any further comment, other than a high-pitched wheezing sound.
“Wow, the Leader of the Opposition,” said bride-to-be Linda Cheng, after putting away the can of mace and being told who it was she had just sprayed down. “Sorry, mister, I had no idea!”
Although things didn’t go exactly according to plan, the selfie taken by the couple shortly after Scheer began throwing up has gone viral on Instagram, racking up an incredible 113 likes.
“Honestly, we’re going to count this one as a win,” said Scheer PR staffer, Jillian Mitchell, washing Scheer’s eyes out with the baby shampoo she has learned to carry over the last several weeks. “This has already gone a lot better than the photo op where Andrew thought ‘kissing babies’ meant he was supposed to do it open-mouthed.”
This is just one of the first stops on Scheer’s new press tour. According to Mitchell, several ambulances are already standing by for this afternoon’s attempt to perform the Mayurasana ‘peacock’ yoga pose on the edge of a desk.
