EDMONTON, AB – According to a recent report, the activity of bowling is much harder than you remember it being, especially considering that the last time you played, you were practically a kid.
The report published by the Association of Fully Grown Adult Friends Who Thought It Would Be Fun To Go Bowling For Your Birthday This Year warned that any attempt to bowl at your age and skill level would be fraught with pitfalls you never remember falling victim to in your youth.
“That first game, oh man, I was lucky if I didn’t get it in the gutter,” you said thinking that you somehow remember that you used to get at least a couple strikes in a game. “The best I could do was one spare. Was I actually better then? Am I misremembering?”
Speculation on whether or not it was the alcohol affecting coordination, your now much higher centre of gravity or the distracting cosmic bowling black lights that highlighted each and every stain on your clothing, the report’s authors said they all failed to break 100 points in all three games before collectively giving up entirely on rekindling the past glories of your 10th birthday party where seem to remember you almost got 200 points once.
“I wonder if the bowling alley has some of those inflatable bumpers for the gutters, but like, for adults?” you said to yourself while overhearing the 13-year-olds snickering at you from the other lane after you threw yet another empty frame when your fingers got stuck in the tiny holes of the eight pound ball you were trying to use at the time.
This same association published a report last year about how you will completely collapse from exhaustion after 15 minutes of laser tag.
