Halifax, NS – After purchasing their first family plan on Thursday, newlyweds Jerome and Anjelica Todd are struggling to ferberize their identical phones.
“We knew it would be hard,” said Anjelica, 25, rubbing the cramps in her thumbs. “But I never could have anticipated the deep, animal instinct to never let a ringing phone go unanswered.”
Also called the ‘Ring It Out’ approach, the controversial Ferber Method trains phones to self-soothe by allowing them to ring until they tire themselves out. Only then is the homescreen unlocked.
Although some childcare experts warn that ferberizing can create a staticky bond between phone and owner, and affect its ability to attach later on in life, the Todds insist that they are good owners.
“Of course I love it, it’s my phone!” said Jerome, 23. “But it’s important that we and our devices develop some healthy independence.”
Neighbours Ian and Taj Ellis advocate the slightly gentler ‘Fading Method’, where owners gradually decrease their phone use at bedtime. Taj, 33, describes the method as, ‘Sort of like ghosting.’
The Todds, however, are resolute in their tactics, despite the resulting lack of sleep. “I used to be up all night texting, talking, coddling…” said Anjelica. “Now I’m up all night wondering, what’s that ding mean? Is that a good news ding? Should I breastfeed my phone?”
According to sources, friends and colleagues of the couple are all wondering why the Todds are mad at them.
