OTTAWA — Conservative Senator Lynn Beyak announced to the Red Chamber today that she wants to “focus on the good” aspects of the large, exposed wound on her left leg.
Beyak, who recently asked the senate to focus on the “good deeds” accomplished by “well-intentioned” religious teachers of the residential school system, extolled the virtues of her open wound, in between sharp intakes of breath and groans.
“Of course there is the agonizing pain, the risk of sepsis,” she said, pausing to apply pressure to the wound, “but, I think, generally, I’ll look back on this as a positive experience.”
A witness to the speech said he was surprised at Beyak’s ability to ignore the pain and power through her statements. “But then again, this is someone who was able to ignore the physical, mental and sexual abuse, and deaths of 6,000 Indigenous children as documented in the Truth and Reconciliation Commission’s report,” he said.
Beyak urged the senate to see the silver lining of the painful and mysterious wound. “It’s a real conversation starter!” she offered enthusiastically to a horrified audience.
“Look, mistakes were made,” she explained as a small pool of blood accumulated next to her ankle, ”but I think ultimately a lot of good will come from it. Treating this wound will help to keep at least one doctor employed.”
At press time, Beyak was being treated at a local hospital. She requests that well-wishers not send “Get Well” cards, but rather cards of “Congratulations”.
