TORONTO – Two decades after TVO’s award-winning children’s program The Polka Dot Door ended, archaeologists from the University of Toronto have finally discovered where all the polkaroos are buried.
“We were all like, ‘oh wow, do you remember that?’” said excavation lead Sheryl Smith of the University of Toronto’s School of Archaeology. “As 90s kids, we’ve always wondered what happened to that beloved TV children’s character. And now we know!”
Smith advised that they stumbled upon thousands of polkaroo skeletons, “almost like they went through a new one every time one left the scene.”
Former TVO producer Marla Stevens described what caused the deaths of so many polkaroos over the years.
“Oh those polkaroos were a temperamental bunch,” said Stevens. “Always getting sick, seizing up, or just plain keeling over. Must have been all the in-breeding. But the worst was when they went mad. You’d have to grab the 12 gauge from [Steve] Paikin’s office, and take them down to the Polka Dot Pit. ‘Polkaroo! Polkaroo! Polkaroo!’ they would say, begging for their lives. I felt bad for them, and not just because they had to dig their own grave due to union rules.”
“Then you’d hand them a cigarette and it was Goodbye! Abiento! See you soon!”
Smith says her researchers will continue to probe into the polkaroo mass grave in addition to their next project, examining a sealed concrete vault under Lake Ontario that divers say contains hundreds of big, comfy couches.
