BRAMPTON, ON – According to a recent report, Valentine’s Day has ceased to believe in Brampton resident Craig Moore.
“We’re not going taking part in Craig this year,” read a statement from Valentine’s Day. “Craig’s just a waste of money that was made up by his parents.”
Valentine’s Day began its boycott after it decided all of Craig’s moaning about Hallmark and commercialism wasn’t worth the 8 dollars of heart-shaped chocolate he buys every year.
“Of course, this will have literally no effect on Moore,” said Valentine’s day. “Given that he seems to have some sort of grudge against the concept of joy, romance, and happiness.”
At press time, after yet another Valentine’s dinner of Indian takeout, Craig was also being boycotted by his partner of 10 years.
