THE HOLY SEE – Following the completion of a recent read-through of acclaimed coming of age novel The Catcher in the Rye, Pope Francis used a private Mass sermon to criticize people he saw as “phonies”.
“I just want to talk about some of the members of our church who say one thing but do another. They’re all a bunch of phonies. Better to be an atheist than a phony, I say,” the Pope stated in his address to those assembled before him.
“Also my chambermaid, Rosa, who told me she washed my cassock but definitely didn’t. Big phony,” he continued.
The Pope’s list of phonies included at least three bishops, two cardinals, his gardener, actor Sam Neill, the baristas at the Vatican City coffee shop Holy Joe’s, and – oddly – Saint Peter.
“It was kind of a strange speech, especially when he started talking about how he wants to visit Central Park and watch the ducks migrate,” said Cardinal Martino, Protodeacon of the Church, “Honestly, he’ll move onto something else soon enough. I’ll lend him Jurassic Park in a week or two. We’re just happy he’s reading.”
Sources close to the Pope report that they are growing concerned as the Pope has recently started talking about how he wants to shoot John Lennon.
