RED DEER – Stunning observers in the Stephenson kitchen, The Good Knife has unceremoniously been forced to relinquish its title.
The shocking loss of status occurred yesterday before dinner, when Michelle Stephenson, 37, returned home to find her husband Tyrone, 36, preparing a greek salad. It was at this point that Michelle produced a newly-purchased knife, immediately throwing into question the legitimacy of the old knife’s titular claim.
The usurper knife, with its factory-sealed sharpness and black micarta handle, was soon crowned “The New Good Knife”. Immediately upon its ascendency, the predecessor knife was abandoned, sentenced to an eternity of darkness in the utensil drawer. Succession experts disagree as to what title, if any, the former Good Knife will now retain. However, it is agreed that it will not take over the title of “The Bad Knife”, currently held by a knife so dull that it is mainly used to wedge open cans.
Reports indicate that the former “Good Knife” had seen a long and steady decline in its sharpness, which had previously been renowned throughout the entire Stephenson household. The knife, whose lineage traces back to Williams and Sonoma, has played a commanding role part in the Stephenson household. There’s its royal exploits have included dinner parties, Thanksgivings, and in one legendary instance, easily cutting a rope into two smaller sections of rope.
None surveyed seem to have an answer as to why the former Good Knife was never sharpened, which may have allowed it to stave off this challenge to its throne. Still, many agree that the old Good Knife’s reign will be recalled fondly, save for the time that Tyrone accidentally cut himself opening an Amazon package.
At press time, kitchen whisperings indicate the deposed Good Knife may escape the knife drawer, before being banished to a life of exile in the hinterlands of the cottage.
