HALIFAX – In his first week as the newest member of the Halifax Regional Police’s mounted unit, Constable Grayson DeLuca demonstrated all the passion for community service that has defined his 7 years on the force, as well as a palpable disappointment that his new duties do not include galloping towards similarly-mounted criminals and running them through with a 9-foot lance.
“It’s been my exquisite honour to protect and serve this city, and I’m humbled by the trust my superiors have placed in me with this new assignment,” expressed DeLuca, 30, while combing burrs out of his partner’s tail. “But when I took this job, I assumed I’d at least occasionally be tasked with taking down a gang of bandits on horseback through the ancient art of jousting.”
DeLuca’s discouragement at not yet ripping a man’s entrails from his body while astride his Percheron/thoroughbred mix has not stopped him from putting in a commendable performance, however.
“So far, he’s been a credit to this unit. He can talk down a drunk at a street festival like a 20-year veteran,” explained Constable Ned Walker, DeLuca’s commanding officer. “Although you can tell from his eyes that he wishes one of them would hop on a mount and challenge him to a duel to the death.”
“That and all the spears and halberds we keep having to confiscate from him.”
DeLuca insists that, though most of his duties are ceremonial, he will remain vigilant against the potential threat of a fiery-eyed villain atop a demon steed putting the good people of his city to the sword.
“Only horse cops have the jurisdiction to stop horse crimes,” stated DeLuca solemnly, and incorrectly.
At press time, DeLuca was petitioning the city to rename his horse from “Polite Randall” to “Vengeance”.
