VAUGHAN, ON – After months of speculation by industry insiders and the public alike, Pizza Hut debuted its latest menu item this week, a pizza stuffed with a better company’s pizza.
“The new ‘Good Pizza Stuffed Pizza’ contains all the things our customers love about our pizza, but with another company’s pizza instead,” said Pizza Hut CEO, Norman Janoski at the product launch from their Canadian headquarters.
“Its the perfect marriage of taste, texture and Pizza Hut.”
The change comes after a decrease in Q3 sales forced the company to shake up its menu yet again, despite Pizza Hut’s other innovative products like the stuffed-crust pizza, the grilled-cheese-stuffed pizza, the hotdog-lined-crust pizza, the pizza with an apple on it, the half-pizza-half-turkey, the upside-down pizza, the all-crust pizza, the donutizza, the pizza with a leather handle instead of a crust, the pizza-fish, and the just-a-thick-disk-of-cheese pizza
Pizza Hut’s research and development team reportedly worked twenty-hour days for several months leading up to the release to perfect the new recipe, finally settling on a complex multi-step process in which their food engineers order pizza from a successful local pizzeria, then grind it up and inject the resulting slurry into the crust of their own notoriously dry, insipid pie.
Some of the initial feedback has been positive.
“Most of it was like biting into a cardboard triangle as expected, but once I got to the crust it was almost as if I was eating a delicious slice of pizza,” said one surprised patron.
Pizza Hut loyalists, however, have not been so receptive to the new menu item. Marci Landon of Trois-Rivières, Quebec, one of the brand’s few longtime customers, called it, “disconcertingly tasty,” adding, “I eat here because I desire to be punished, both physically and morally.”
According to sources, the average delivery time has grown to around one hour, due to the thirty minutes that it takes for the superior pie to first be delivered to Pizza Hut.
