CLEVELAND – The Electoral College should vote for Hillary Clinton on December 19th, says local man Eric Stoneleigh, who will be senselessly killed in the early hours of December 20th, if that happens.
“The Electoral College was designed specifically to keep demagogues like Trump from taking power,” said Eric, correctly, but without really considering how unprepared he is for actual bloodshed. “Man, it would be great if they actually did that.”
While Stoneleigh is right not to want his younger sister to come of age in Trump’s America, sources suggest he probably also wouldn’t want her to come of age with an eye-patch and a gun for a hand, relentlessly slaughtering neo-confederates on a futile quest to avenge her murdered brother.
“Just imagine Trump’s face when he heard they voted against him,” said Stoneleigh, not imagining the faces of Trump’s millions of armed, radicalized supporters. “It would be a great day for our system of government.”
At press time, it would actually still be pretty neat if the Electoral College voted for Clinton, though.
