OTTAWA – Having failed to realize the first day of class was coming up so quickly, Canada’s teachers spent last night desperately trying to finish their lesson plans and assignment schedule.
“Wait, school starts when?!”, asked high school music teacher Alayna Naeem. “What do you mean today was Labour Day?! I could have sworn I had another week to get all of this done.”
Naeem refused to comment further as she had to drive to the school to individually check 43 band instruments.
“I guess I must have zoned out at some point and missed the instruction to have something for the students to do on the first day,” admitted recently hired elementary teacher Alan Richards, with a glazed look in his eyes. “I’ll just tell them I forgot my lesson plans at home, or dropped them in a puddle on the way to school”.
Common problems that could easily be solved with an extra couple days include unfinished Powerpoints, lost worksheets, and looking up if NASA has finally decided whether or not Pluto is a planet. Many teachers also reported that their class-list has an extra student they hadn’t noticed until they looked at it properly.
English teacher Martha Eagleson was still optimistic. “I just have to drink some coffee and I can stay up ’til 4 AM, easy. That’s enough time to get most of this done, and then I’ll just finish the rest over lunch. Hey, could you pull up the wikipedia page for Beowulf?”
Similar thoughts have been echoed by several teachers, though many woke up to find that their late night work made no sense in the morning, and most lesson plans were just the words “name games?” and some pictures to make the page look less empty.
At press time, most teachers had decided to show Planet Earth documentaries for the first couple days.
