KINGSTON, ON – Unable to accept that The Tragically Hip will never again play another song, the entire nation of Canada is requesting that the Canadian rock legends come back out on stage to continue performing, even though they have already done so fifty-five times already.
“Encore! Play Little Bones! Again!” screamed Derek McDougal at the TV, a Hip fan from Halifax, Nova Scotia watching the broadcast of the band’s final concert live from the band’s hometown of Kingston, Ontario on CBC.
“Keep playing forever!”
In the face of the sad reality of lead singer Gord Downie’s terminal illness, millions of Canadians have independently decided that right now they need to hear more songs performed by the Tragically Hip, despite their having already exhausted all of the material from their 14 studio albums, 54 singles and 1 EP spanning their entire 32 year career. Since then, the band has begun filling encores with improvised jam sessions, public domain sea shanties, and – during encore 47 – a spontaneous album-length cover performance of Rush’s 2112
“You are ahead by a century, Gord!” yelled Kayla Frontenac, of Trois-Riviere, Quebec at the top of her lungs as both a declaration of her admiration and a request for the song, “Ahead by a Century,” which they already played twice.
Sources close to the seemingly insatiable throngs of tearful fans say that even if the band plays their 56th encore, they will be promptly begged in abject desperation to play a 57th as soon as they leave the stage, and so on, until the band finally collapses from exhaustion.
However, eyewitnesses report that Downie has shown no signs of slowing down as the band now makes their way to the stage for encore number 56.
“We get to feel small,” Downie sang before chugging his eighth bottle of Gatorade and continuing, “from high up above.”
At press time, the entire nation of Canada was making contingency plans to call in sick for work on Monday just in case the concert is still going.
With files from Ian MacIntyre
