Asheville, N.C. – Saying it was too hot to do any work climate change researchers at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) have declared that they assume the summer of 2016 to be the hottest ever recorded.
“Sure we could run all our usual tests involving satellite data and tracking extreme weather events, but given that my skin has felt like it is about to melt for three straight months, we determined it unnecessary,” said Dr. Jamillah Bekma, head of the department.
“Also those tests involve a lot of moving and bending, and we just didn’t have the energy for that right now,” she added as she fanned herself.
The NOAA says its new, more informal measuring techniques, which include going outside for up to 20 seconds, looking at the state of their lawns, and being uncomfortable all the time, were quite conclusive.
“I wanted to go into the field and do some more comprehensive tests,” said Steve Birkman, another researcher. “But my back sweat has caused my skin to completely stick to my office chair, so I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’ll probably just sleep at my desk,” he added.
The Administration pleaded with humanity to finally take action on climate change, but added that they totally understand having your AC on blast 24/7.
