OTTAWA – Employees at Ace One consulting were collectively fuming at co-worker Vanessa Clay, the recipient of a whole two months of mat leave that’s she’s probably using to hang out at awesome amusement parks while everyone else picks up her slack.
“Seriously? She gets 2 months?” said Andrew Johnston, who has seen his workload increase by 2% since Clay left. “How long could it take to squeeze out a baby? She’s probably riding the Sky Screamer right now, laughing at those gullible idiots in HR. What a scam.”
However, her co-workers admit, Clay, who has some real guts, I’ll give you that, probably has to wait in a long line for snow cones, which, while not entirely making up for the situation, at least makes them feel a bit better.
“It’s like, for the last three months she’s been so excited about having this kid,” said Lewis McKenzie, Clay’s cubicle mate. “But now she’s all ‘oooh I’m too tired to come in’. Where’d all that energy go? How quickly her tune changes when paid leave is on the table.”
At press time, Clay had returned to the office exhausted and stained with vomit, basically proving that she’d been riding the teacups 24/7.
