OTTAWA – Following a controversial performance by The Tenors at the MLB All-Star Game, in which singer Remigio Pereira inserted the phrase “All Lives Matter” into the Canadian national anthem, the House of Commons voted unanimously today to change the lyrics of ‘O Canada’ to include a pointed and deliberate rebuke of the band.
“We were already amending the lyrics to make it gender inclusive,” said Liberal house leader Dominic Leblanc. “Why not also make it inclusive for people furious about the fact that our anthem was publicly perverted to show support for a racist cause, which is basically all Canadians not named Remigio Pereira.”
“The new lyric doesn’t really work in terms of syllable count or rhyme structure, but I think it makes up for it in terms of pure, unbridled hate for what they did,” he added.
The Canadian National Anthem will now be as follows:
O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all of us command.
Fuck You The Tenors,
Remigio, yous a bitch,
Get away with your racist shit, And
Leave us Glorious and Free.
“The only difficult part will be the French translation. So far we haven’t been able to come up with an appropriate French version of ‘Remigio, yous a bitch,’ but I’m sure we’ll figure it out,” said Rona Ambrose.
This is the first time the national anthem has been altered as part of a burn since World War One, when the title was briefly changed to ‘Silly silly Kaiser Willy.’
