Fort Nelson, BC – Next-door neighbour Dale Glover’s disruptive springtime renovation season is already off to a roaring start.
“I can finally get back to work on that structurally unsound balcony” said the amateur fixer-upper, his hands trembling with anticipation as he dusted off some unbearably loud power tools. As soon as the frost thaws, Glover begins an unpredictable schedule of home renos that usually start around 6am Sunday morning, but might also happen on a Tuesday night inexplicably.
Witnesses report that Glover prefers to rev up a power drill at arbitrary intervals, in order to rule out any relief neighbours might get from at least a rhythmic or consistent sound coming through their walls. He punctuates random drilling with a succession of nails being hammered into paper-thin drywall, and achieves a dramatic crescendo by dropping the contents of a toolbox onto hardwood flooring from a considerable height, the very moment neighbours rest their weary heads on their pillows for an afternoon nap. Sources say that Glover’s most productive renovations occur in tandem with neighbours’ desperate need for silence.
When reached for comment, a few of Glover’s neighbours explained that despite the unrelenting noise, none could find any visible proof that actual home improvements had taken place.
“He’s been operating a circular saw in a room bordering our newborn daughter’s nursery every morning for two weeks now,” explained neighbour Angie Crow. “But when we looked in the window the room was empty except for the saw, a tarp, and a homemade VHS tape of Home Depot commercials labelled ‘GET PUMPED.’”
At press time, Glover was seen balancing precariously on a plank of scrap wood suspended between two rusty ladders.
