TORONTO – Things appeared to be getting serious between chart-topping musician Aubrey Drake Graham and Toronto this Friday after Mayor John Tory announced that he would be providing Drake with a key to the city, making closet space for some of his clothes, and buying him a toothbrush he can use “whenever he stays over.”
Tory was coy with reporters, however, when expanding on the announcements. “I know this sounds like a big deal, guys” said the mayor, blushing, “but really, it just feels natural. We really just, click, you know?”
Graham, who was present for the mayor’s press conference, confirmed that he’d been spending whole weekends with Toronto, sometimes just lying in bed, laughing, talking about everything and nothing.
Sources close to Graham and the city agreed that the relationship is intensifying. “They’re definitely in deep,” said one anonymous mutual friend, “Like, we’re talking annoying Instagram pictures, nights where they come out and don’t even speak to anyone else, embarrassing nicknames for each other… I mean, “Drizzy” and “the Six”? Christ. Just put a ring on it already and put us all out of our misery.”
An awkward moment came, however, when a reporter for the Toronto Star asked Graham if he and Toronto were officially ‘together’. While Graham stated that he “[didn’t] want to put labels on it or anything” and that “we’re good, we have fun, but let’s not get all restrictive and uptight”, Tory stared down at his feet and shuffled them uncomfortably. “Yeah, uhh, definitely,” said the mayor, “that’s… that’s cool. Cool cool cool. No labels… cool. Whatever you want, Drizzy.”
