Brandon, Manitoba – Noted bright-side looker Julie Chambers, 37, told reporters yesterday that she thinks it’s better to view the polar ice caps, which in recent years have been losing both land and sea ice at an increasingly dangerous rate, as “half full.”
“Look, nothing’s ever going to be perfect in this life,” Chambers stated, smiling warmly and adjusting her yellow sweater embroidered with flowers. “And it can be sad when we see negative things we wish we could change. But at this point, global warming is pretty much irreversible, so maybe we should just look on the bright side and think about all the wonderful years we have left before a third of the globe is swallowed up by water.”
While many of Chambers’ friends and family have expressed serious concern and even fear about the potential consequences of the ice caps’ decreasing size, Chambers points out that a positive attitude is the best way to overcome a problem, especially one which makes us feel as utterly and completely powerless as we in fact are in these circumstances.
“Am I afraid of what climate change means for Earth? Of course. Have I seriously considered whether or not I should have children given the drought and disaster which inevitably awaits future generations? Absolutely. But, as my grandma always said, you can focus on the 90% that’s good, like the fact that we can still walk around outside for now, or the 10% that’s bad, like the fact that we are all complicit in our species’ demise. And I don’t know about you, but I look at the first one.”
Chambers also pointed out that even the worst news has a bright side, like the fact that she and her husband will be able to enjoy shorter, more romantic walks to the beach in the coming years until the day when they are finally forced to fight each other over the last bottled water in the region.
While Chambers admits that this positive outlook takes effort, even when it’s difficult, she manages to focus on the good.
“Why just last week I started to feel a little bad when I bought my daughter a new swing set made in China, and realized how big of a carbon footprint I had made. But the joy on her face made all those sad thoughts disappear. Of course, it’s tough not to think about how that swingset will soon enough be engulfed in the remains of the north pole through entirely preventable human choices, but…you know, these things happen.”
At press time, Chambers’ was trying to cheer up David Suzuki by telling him to turn that frown upside down.
