WASHINGTON – Following Hillary’s loss in the New Hampshire primary, the Clinton Campaign has decided to connect with millennial voters by emphasizing that, like them, she is voting for Bernie Sanders.
“I want young people to understand that I can get behind a political revolution,” said Hillary while simultaneously crocheting a hemp necklace and kicking around a hacky sack with some campaign volunteers. “I feel the Bern. There is actually no one who feels the Bern as much as me. Every vote for Bernie is a literal and personal burn.”
Political analysts are already lauding the strategy with many agreeing that what Hillary will gain in cool, the Sanders campaign will lose. “Announcing that she’d vote for another candidate while still in the running demonstrates a generosity of spirit as well as a quiet confidence, plus it will give her a ton of goodwill with the 18-19 year olds who love Bernie” stated Paul Harris, a long time political strategist.
“And most importantly, it makes her look cool. Cooler than being on Snapchat, cooler than being on SNL, and way cooler than asking people to ‘Bey on Team Hillary’.”
Others have suggested that having Hillary announce her support for Bernie may also work to take away some of his credibility. Mackenzie Jordan, a political science major at UVM believes that “Hillary allying herself with Bernie, will make Bernie less cool. Because if Hillary would vote for him, what’s to stop Wall Street from voting for him? And once Wall Street says they’re voting for Bernie, he’s done, son.”
Of particular concern for the Clinton campaign is the loss of young female voters. When asked about Madeleine Albright and Gloria Steinem’s rebuke of young women’s lack of support for her, Hillary responded with a photo of all three of them and the words, “That moment when your squad talking shit and you like ‘what?!’.”
At press time Hillary was seen speaking to the polyamorous community about her experience as a pioneer of the open marriage.
