EDMONTON – The potential for gut-busting comedy and madcap antics has been extinguished after three unlikely bachelors, Joe, Moe and Perot, promptly returned a baby that unexpectedly arrived on their doorstep to its mother.
“We didn’t know what to do with it,” said Joe, who, under different circumstances, would have reluctantly cared for the baby to great comedic effect before inevitably growing attached to it and refusing to give it away, lending poignancy to the zany situation. “So we just gave him back.”
The three men – a lawyer, a chef and a physicist – could have had a rollicking time changing the baby’s diapers while getting peed on, accidentally feeding the baby vodka and unintentionally teaching it to swear, but instead did none of those things.
“Yeah, I guess we could have gone to the park and tried picking up implausibly beautiful women with the help of the baby,” said Moe. “But that wouldn’t have been the responsible thing to do.”
“His mother probably missed him dearly,” added Moe.
The three men agree that returning the baby made impossible a side-splitting montage sequence of them failing at fatherly duties, but that they would have failed at their “moral duties” otherwise.
“Seriously, we could have been imprisoned,” said Perot. “Especially if we gave the baby to two drug dealers in an uproarious misunderstanding.”
“That would have been bad,” added Perot.
At press time, a group of motorists wanted nothing to do with the $1,000,000 in cash claimed to be buried in Cairo by a dying criminal.
