OTTAWA — Rescue workers rushed to Parliament Hill earlier today after Minister of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness Ralph Goodale managed to entangle himself in a giant ball of Christmas lights.
According to security camera footage, the Liberal MP was up on the roof of the Centre Block putting the finishing touches on parliament’s Christmas light display when a strong gust of wind knocked over the ladder he had propped against the side of the building, leaving Goodale stranded.
“Fellas! Hey, fellas! I’m up here!” Goodale shouted, trying to flag down a group of fellow MPs walking across the central lawn. After several minutes without success, the recently appointed public safety minister began shedding articles of clothing — including his boots, winter coat, and pants — and hurling them off the roof in the hopes of attracting the attention of passersby, but to no avail.
“Aw heck!” Goodale exclaimed, stomping down his foot directly into a bucket of Christmas decorations. While trying to shake the bucket loose from his foot, Goodale slipped on a patch of ice and began careening down the side of the roof, rolling himself up in a series of wires and colourful bulbs as he picked up speed.
“Dagnabit,” said the former finance minister, dangling from an eave. “Not again.”
Fortunately for Goodale, firefighters were already on the scene due to a large electrical fire that had broken out in Confederation Hall, which they believe was caused by someone overloading the circuit with Christmas lights.
According to doctors, Goodale sustained a bit of frostbite, but was thankfully none the worse for wear. “This was nowhere near as bad at the time Ralph got his head stuck in that wasps’ nest he found outside the Library of Parliament,” they confirmed. “Or the time he lost control of those electric pruning shears during the Queen’s visit in 2010.”
Despite Goodale swearing he had “learned his lesson,” rescue workers reportedly rushed back to parliament 45 minutes later to detach Goodale’s tongue from a metal flag pole.
