LOS ANGELES – The author of the latest Bond novel has called for Daniel Craig to be fired after arriving to the Spectre premiere with a tan he believes is “too dark” to properly represent the character.
“Forgive me, as I’m a bit of a purest”, said Anthony Horowitz, author of the Bond novel, Mortality. “When Ian Fleming first pictured Bond, he was paper white. Only in the movies while on the beach was he ever a shade darker.”
Horowitz then explained how he felt the Bond films had failed the character in the past.
“The films are ridiculous. Bond has been played by seven different guys in the movies. How can seven different guys look like the same guy? Let alone a black guy looking like 7 different white guys. It’s confusing,” explained Horowitz. “Even worse, none of those guys were even half-Scottish, half-Swiss like Bond! Why do people suddenly care about being true to the character when these abominations have been coming out for decades?”
Horowitz’s remarks have been echoed by prominent celebrities, including former Bond actor Roger Moore.
“I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something about Craig’s darker shade that makes him seem less high society,” said Moore. “Less British, less like Bond, James Bond.”
Executives at MGM/Sony have responded to the backlash by firing Craig. It’s yet unknown what skin tone criteria MGM/Sony will choose for the next Bond but all British actors in their 30s have been advised to “stay out of the sun” for the time being while they consult.
When reached for comment, Daniel Craig apologized for his tan’s lack of realism but hoped that audiences enjoyed Spectre’s helicopter crash, giant motorcycle jump, kung-fu fighting, last-second bomb defusion, 20ft falls with no injury, and explosions that don’t singe hair or light clothes on fire.
