OTTAWA – As the senate expense trial continues, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has seen his support drop in most demographics, but he has also seen a steep rise among Canada’s corrupt.
“Some of Harper’s biggest support comes from citizens who willingly do unlawful things for personal gain,” said statistician Rajavan Singh. “They want to see someone in power who has their best interests at heart.”
The group, which includes slumlords, bookies, private school admissions officers, board members of pharmaceutical companies, slaughterhouse owners, loansharks, owners of megachurches, student housing landlords, and mafia members, comprises nearly 10% of the electorate.
“Despite it’s small size, this is still a very important demographic,” explained Singh. “Many of these voters will find a way of casting more than one ballot.”
Many leaders in the corrupt community have been vocally supportive of Harper. The Carnie’s Guild has favourably compared the Fair Elections Act to a rigged ring-toss game while the Scammers Union applauded Harper’s role in the Duffy trial, calling it a ‘pretty solid con’ that unfortunately went awry.
“Harper? Shame he’s getting screwed. That guy knows the score,” said an oil lobbyist attempting to jimmy open a car door. “Nothing wrong with helping your ‘friends’ make a little extra scratch on the side. Then, three weeks later, you roll on the moron and make off with the dough! Classic ‘Catfish Gambit’. I’ll definitely be voting for him.”
“However, I could be, shall we say, ‘persuaded’ otherwise,” he added, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together.
