OTTAWA – Former PMO chief of staff Nigel Wright testified Wednesday that Stephen Harper’s now-infamous “good to go” email was not an endorsement of Wright’s plan to reimburse suspended Senator Mike Duffy’s fraudulent expenses, but rather, the Prime Minister’s discreet way of telling his ex-employee that he was, quote, “down to fuck.”
“Mr. Harper is the embodiment of traditional Conservative values,” Mr. Wright told Crown Prosecutor Jason Neubauer, “And we all know what those are: transparency, fiscal responsibility, and casual sex with many anonymous partners.”
Wright chalked the misunderstanding up to Harper’s genteel nature, noting that the Prime Minister is too respectful of his staff members and fellow MPs to employ crass language when expressing his insatiable, pansexual appetites.
Wright went on to assure the Crown that the other 307 Members of Parliament have received similar emails from the Prime Minister over the years, extending each of them a standing invitation to 24 Sussex, or “Canada’s Glory Hole” as Harper affectionately calls it, for an evening of ‘discreet non-partisan, no-strings-attached exploration of each other’s bodies.’
“He’s such a gentleman,” concluded Wright, “that he went out of his way to make sure no one ever found out how thoroughly he screwed me.”
