TORONTO — Local woman Chelsea Burney told reporters that she was “really looking forward” to carrying a 14 by 22-inch bag bearing the highly recognizable logo of women’s lingerie store La Senza on her rush hour commute.
“Living in a big city, you sometimes start to feel kind of anonymous, like you don’t see other people and they don’t see you,” said the 27-year old office worker who, in a happy turn of events, had forgotten to bring her own bag on her after-work trip to the store. “But sometimes all it takes is some heavily branded packaging from a company known for selling sexualized women’s clothing, and suddenly ALL you can think about is other people and how they see you.”
Burney, who had purchased some underwear and bras using a gift card from her sister, expressed excitement at the opportunity to connect with strangers the bag would create for her. “If I’m lucky, maybe I’ll get to try to jam the bag into my purse, but it will only fit a quarter of the way in, hopefully making both its presence and my feelings of shame around it all the more obvious to the world!”
Carrying the bag would open up the additional opportunity for Burney to get approving, “you go girl” looks from middle-aged women, only for her to involuntarily murmur “I only got underwear!” and jump off the train two stops before her destination.
“And they’re just white. And beige. Beige!” she quickly added with a light-hearted laugh.
Burney went on to express gratitude to La Senza for monopolizing the higher-end women’s undergarments market. “I love how when I want to buy a half-decent bra, I get to walk into a dimly-lit store that looks like a 12-year old’s homemade diorama of a Barbie strip club made from tiffany lamp and a pink circus tent. It’s super fun, like I’m there to buy MDMA or participate in an illegal sex show, rather than just purchase articles of clothing I need to wear in order to go outside.”
“If anything, I wish the name was a bit more direct,” added Burney when asked about the branding of the store. “Something like ‘For her Breasts’ or ‘I Like Fucking.’”
“It’s really cool that there’s an entirely separate store for women’s undergarments,” continued Burney. “This way, they can be kept separate from the rest of the clothes in the mall, almost like they’re toxic and need to be quarantined and clearly labeled. And if I’m a person who buys them, it’s great that I get to be clearly labeled too.”
At press time, Burney’s boyfriend was cheerfully accepting high-fives as he carried an Aren’t We Naughty bag home on the bus.
