OTTAWA – After the publication of a Truth and Reconciliation commission report calling the Residential Schools a cultural genocide, Prime Minister Harper has sent an apologetic email to Canada’s First Nations.
“Hey, sorry you felt genocided,” said the email. “Oh well, it’s all water under the bridge now.”
Sources in the Prime Minister’s Office say that the email, whose subject line just read, ‘sup’, took the Head of State in excess of five minutes to compose.
“He almost never spends that much time on something other than poisoning our system of parliamentary democracy,” said one aide. “So you can tell that he takes this seriously.”
While some conservatives have taken the Prime Minister to task for being ‘too apologetic’, others are just glad that ‘it’s over with’.
“I thought the whole ‘sorry’ phrase was overstating things a bit, but at least we don’t have to worry about it any more,” said Aboriginal Affairs and Northern Development Minister Bernard Valcourt. “They lived through decades upon decades of dehumanization, torture, and sexual abuse, we said we’re sorry, everything’s square now.”
Members of the AFN say that this email is literally the nicest thing the Canadian government has ever done for the First Nations.
“No, really,” said Perry Bellegarde, President of the Association of First Nations. “This is even less bad than the text message he sent us about the missing and murdered aboriginal women.”
