Sudbury, ON or somewhere in the Amazon – Jack Farber, popular choose-your-own-adventure novelist, was found dead over the weekend, either alone in his bachelor apartment or in the Amazon while trying to solve the mystery of the Jaguar Temple.
“I feel so privileged to have worked with him for these past 5 decades,” said publisher Eddie Darvish. “Or has it only been a few years? Anyway, it’s such a shame that he passed away so young. I just hope he managed to discover the secrets of the ancient Jaguar Tribe.”
The 87 year-old author was found in the Sudbury apartment he’d lived in since his divorce and slow descent into bankruptcy. Farber had been known for his commitment to choose-your-own-adventure, spending his 29th, and second last, birthday fighting aliens on Mars Colony 3 to research for his highly acclaimed 7th book, “Martian Attack”.
Reports vary on his final words. Some contend that he sent an email to his estranged son, asking for forgiveness, while others point out that his recently recovered tape recorder contains an angry curse at the Jaguar God, made mere seconds before Farber was supposedly crushed by a boulder.
“I remember once, after he returned from his Fantastic Jurassic time-traveling adventure, he promised we’d always be together. We were only 25,” said Michelle Watkins, his editor or perhaps his lover. “I’d known him for over 60 years and not a day went by that I didn’t wonder if he loved me. I just waited for him to say something.”
Please turn to page 60 if you think Jack’s children have a bitter fight over his inheritance or turn to page 14 if Jack is found 3 weeks later on the outskirts of the Amazon, bruised, smiling, and holding aloft the mythical Golden Jaguar Statue.
