OTTAWA – The Ontario Provincial Police’s report on the RCMP’s response to the Parliamentary shootings last October may be overshadowed by the RCMP investigating the same Senators who will soon be scrutinizing the RCMP’s powers and budget for which the RCMP will be investigating the OPP union for financial wrongdoing.
“We will leave no stone unturned, unless that’s stone happens to be ours,” said OPP Sgt. Shelley Leucht responsible for the investigation into the October 22nd incident and union member. “This will be an independent investigation so long as the RCMP reaches a satisfactory conclusion to their own investigation.”
The RCMP assured the public that their investigations into both the OPP union and the Senate will be sound and accurate since the organizations are very familiar with each other in previous public inquiries.
“I regularly play golf with Senators,” said RCMP Cpl. Fletcher Da Silva who reportedly slept through the entire lockdown of Parliament while on duty and is now helping investigate the Senators improper spending. “Who better to investigate improper Senate expenses than their good old poker buddy?”
Many expect that the investigations, probes, enquiries, examinations, and inspections should be completed quickly, assuming everyone cooperates.
“My expenses are solid. I’m unconcerned about what the RCMP might find. Wait, am I being investigated by the RCMP or the OPP?” said Senator Jim Cowan. “The OPP was investigating the RCMP and they’re investigating Senators? Is that right? Am I a Senator?”
According to sources, the three parties came to an agreement; the OPP would exclude a report of an RCMP officer sporadically firing his gun off in the air the day of the attack in exchange for overlooking an OPP union trip to Galapagos Islands. Meanwhile, the Senate would ignore the RCMP’s wiretapping without a warrant to ensure no one determines the source of Senator Nancy Ruth’s extensive cheese collection.
