ATHENS – Following a conveniently timed demand that Germany pay further reparations arising from its occupation of Greece during WWII, the Greek government has gone on to demand the government of Iran pay an even larger amount to compensate Greece for repeated invasions by Ancient Persia in 5th Century BCE.
“Our accountants came up with a fair calculation based on damage done during the many invasions of Darius and Xerxes,” said deputy finance minister Dimitris Mardas. “They have calculated that we are owed $815 billion Euros, or 600 sacks of silver Drachmas, whatever the Ayatollah would prefer to pay.”
Greek authorities say the debt accrues from the loss of Greek life, the millions spent to feed, house and equip several armies, as well as the extreme cost of making enough animal sacrifices to Poseidon to get him to unleash “the winds of fury” upon the Persian ships.
“Not to mention how much we spent on soothsayers, philosophers and young boys for our soldiers to have sex with. You think they worked for free?” asked Mardas.
However the Iranian government did not appear ready to acquiesce to Greece’s demands. President Hassan Rouhani stated “the matter of reparations was closed in 2006, when Iran paid Greece hundreds of millions of dollars in the form of box office sales for the movie 300.”
At press time Greece had officially informed the government of Turkey that it would forget about the whole Ottoman Empire thing if it could just borrow, like, 50 bucks.
